Professional success sometimes takes a heavy toll.
You’re really proud of all you’ve accomplished. It might be a man’s world, but you’ve proven yourself over and over… and here you are.
Your career is incredibly important to you, and sometimes it’s hard to balance how much time and energy you’re putting into it.
Because, even though you love it… at the end of the day, you don’t want your career to be everything you have.
You want to have strong friendships and a close family, but it’s not easy.
It feels as though you need to keep proving yourself. The men you work with seem comfortable leaving the kids with their wives. They say “yes” to business trips. They work the late nights when asked. And, basically, so do you. That’s how you got here.
But when you think about your limits at work – you know making sure you actually get time to be home… to tuck your kids in, to go on a date every once in a while… it feels as though you could lose ground professionally.
And you want your kids to see you as strong, independent, and successful. You want them to know that women can do it – that they CAN have it all. But sometimes you wonder if YOU can have it all.
No matter what you choose, something has to give. And no matter what you choose, it seems as though someone has something to say about it.
The opinions and judgments of others…
For example, have you ever heard something like this:
“I don’t know how you can bear to be away from your kids so much. I know I couldn’t.”
Right… as if you enjoy being away from them so much. You’re doing this for your kids! You want to provide for them. You want to use the hard-earned education. You want your kids to be comfortable. You don’t want them to want for anything… even when you know they miss you.
And then there’s the judgment at work – that “side eye” or exasperation when you need to leave early because there was an issue at daycare. You detest feeling as though you’re feeding into the stereotypes. You want to wipe that snide look off their faces. And the next day, you work longer hours to make up for it – to show that you can be relied on – to prove yourself yet again.
Sure, society has come leaps and bounds, but…
You still feel at a disadvantage at work because you’re a woman. And it’s bullshit.
You’re never going to be able to make everyone happy. And you can’t single-handedly change our societal expectations and inequities.
When it comes down to it, these decisions need to be made based on your values.
Let’s face it: What you’re doing now isn’t sustainable.
You need more time… not just with the family, but also to yourself.
You need to set boundaries at work. I get that it’s hard and uncomfortable. The decisions of what boundaries to hold, how to set them, and how often are going to be nuanced and challenging.
You need to start gauging your success at work (and at home) by internal metrics. You know when you’re doing good work. Waiting for everyone else to see it and validate it is not realistic. You’ll be chasing their approval forever.
Our work together…
We’ll start by identifying your values… your priorities. We’ll explore the barriers that have stopped you from making changes thus far. Because it’s never simple.
That means I’m going to ask you how you want to be remembered. How you want your kids to think of you as they get older. I’m going to ask you what you’re afraid of and what you fear will happen if you start to do things differently.
We’ll address how to navigate the judgment you get from all sides.
It’s going to require communicating differently.
Sometimes being more vulnerable and open, and sometimes being less open and not justifying yourself and your decisions so much.
We’ll talk about the relationships you get judged by the most, and we’ll identify tailored communication strategies with each person.
I’ll support you in making choices that feel clean and grounded in who you are…
… and what you want out of life. That means that we are going to separate all the different motivations that push you to make the decisions that you do. In any decisions, there are clean motivations and muddy ones.
We will identify which is which, set some aside so we can talk about those later, and then help you make decisions from a place of clarity and insight.
And together we’ll navigate the challenges that arise when you act on these changes.
I completely understand there’s going to be fall out.
So far, you’ve been deciding that doing what you’ve been doing is worth avoiding the fall out, but what you’ve been doing doesn’t feel great either.
If you’re going to make the decision to be brave and create the life you want, let’s make plans for how you want to walk through the hard stuff that will come up while you’re doing it.
It’s time to start getting what you want and need out of life…
… instead of killing yourself to prove yourself to everyone else.
Asking for support doesn’t make you weak – it’s incredibly brave. Sure, it’s scary to make changes, and things will undoubtedly get messy for a while. But the relief and freedom you’ll get on the other side is worth a lot.
If this sounds like something you want, let’s talk. Call or text me today: (703) 972-5705